SUMMER VACATION 2014, DAY 3: “SEND LAWYERS, GUNS, AND MONEY…”

(No need to get nervous from the title, Rabbit Holers… I’m a big Warren Zevon fan and that was the song that was playing in my head earlier today when I ran into a little situation. More on that later.)

Day 3 of summer vacation started blissfully, as Camille and I were thoroughly unmotivated for most of the morning. Since that is the point of vacation, we felt no real guilt.

However, we did want to take advantage of nature, so we decided to go for a hike. Luckily, there’s a great scenic nature trail nearby that we first took advantage of last year, so we definitely knew we were going to repeat the experience this year. One great thing was that due to my weight loss and increased exercise this year (that is, ACTUALLY exercising for a change) the four-mile hike didn’t bother me at all. Sure, I sweated, but I sweat most of the time. To not be out of breath and actually able to go over hill and dale and still have enough energy at the end proved to me that what I’ve been doing this year is definitely worth it.

One thing that wasn’t worth it was the amount of bugs on the hike. They haven’t really been bad around Mom’s cottage, so when we forgot the bug spray this morning, we just shrugged our shoulders and though, “No big deal.” We then shrugged our shoulders and flailed our bodies much more as we went along the hiking trail, as the bugs of the forest sensed fresh meat and went for us with great gusto. Fortunately, no major bites, but I felt as if I was a horse, waving my baseball cap to ward off the flies as if it were my tail.

After a healthy and delicious picnic lunch packed by my lovely wife, we headed back to my mom’s cottage for more R&R. You know, to break the monotony of the usual R&R. I decided to earn “good son” points and take my mom’s trash to the local township dump. That began my adventure of the day, as finding the local township dump proved a bit difficult. Thank goodness for cell phones, as I was able to call up my mom; she was then able to lead me to my destination. Much like Clark Griswold finding Wallyworld, however, I had a similar experience: dump was apparently only open on Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

So, faced with the stench of garbage bags in the trunk of our rental car, I did what any good vacationer would do in such a situation: panic. Driving past a local playground, I noticed some tall white barrels that appeared to be trash receptacles. Stealthily parking the rental out in the open field of the playground/parking lot, I looked left, right, and behind me: no one appeared to be watching me. I quickly opened the trunk and, holding my breath, quickly moved all of the trash into the white trash barrels of the park.

Jumping in my car, it seemed to be the perfect crime. However, my short ride back to the cottage then became very Kafkaesque, as I noticed two different county sheriff vehicles on my way back, one parked in the township hall parking lot, presumably to catch speeding summer people, and another on the open road. When the deputy vehicle on the open road did a quick turnaround to then follow me for a bit on the main highway, I felt as if I were now a character in a lesser Poe novel: “It was the trash… the hideous, stinking trash!” My panic subsided, however, when the deputy vehicle passed me and sped away, presumably to catch a speeding summer person who was on the move. I arrived back at the cottage to text my Mom a “LOL” about the situation, using the phrase “Send lawyers, guns, and money…” to start my text to her. And now you know… the rest… of the story.

Next, we headed into Baldwin for dinner at Pompeii’s Pizza, a regular tradition. They’ve been named “Best Pizza in Lake County” for 15 years running, and while the pizza IS good, I’m not sure how much of an accomplishment that really is. Nevertheless, for once the service wasn’t totally abysmal (which is, admittedly, usually part of the charm) and we enjoyed a good pie. Following Pompeii’s was the other Baldwin tradition: Jones’ homemade ice cream. Always good… Mackinac Fudge for me (no peanut butter cup, unfortunately… first world problems) and chocolate for Camille. Properly sated, we returned home for more… you guessed it… R&R.

Looking forward to Day 4 tomorrow... I'll try not to do any semi-illegal dumping tomorrow if I can help it.